A Clever Sheep, Jr.

Mother-forkers. Cork-soakers. Farging ice-holes.

Are you a cat or a dog? Attached to a leash, a cat goes limp and refuses to move. A dog runs as far as it can and keeps pulling.

To make trees: gather up sunlight, add water, bake or freeze until solid. Wait.

I believe there's a general intelligence to the universe with the exception of certain parts of New Jersey. -- Miles Monroe

I'm trying to parallel park in a perpendicular universe.

Think of how stupid the average person is, then realize that half of them are stupider than that. -- George Carlin

My dog is snoring very loudly. To kick him out of the room, I'd have to get out of bed. I'd rather just tweet about it from my Blackberry.

Now once more the belt is tight and we summon the proper expression of horror as we look back at our wasted youth.--F. Scott Fitzgerald 1932

Where are the swans?/ They went away, the swans./ The ravens, too?/ They stayed behind, the ravens. -- Marina Tsvetaeva

If torture is just "enhanced interrogation", then paraplegia must be "enhanced numbness" and death is simply "enhanced sleep."